Only one day left. I can make it. Just a few more hours to go. With only a few things remaining on my beautiful to-do list, there have been a lot of things on my mind. In no particular order:
-I have been writing a huge paper for my children's literature class. I have been chewing on it for quite some time, but it hasn't been until this week that I have actually put any of it on paper. I decided to write about the portrayal of families in children's lit. Wow. What an eye opener. I really struggled with this paper for the simple fact that I am a Christian. It was very hard to look through the shelves of books like "Heather Has Two Mommies" or "Stepchild" or even "One Dad, Two Dads, Brown Dad, Blue Dads" and not wonder what God is thinking about the things that have happened here. I have had several mini-conferences with my professor about this paper and each time, we come to the question of whether or not this literature is right or wrong. I have been swimming in circles with this paper, trying to ask the question "are these books okay for children to read?" I still don't have a solid answer. The only thing I could come up with is that children's literature should be society reflecting but not society determining or driving. It is just so gray...nothing seems to be black and white anymore. I like rules and I wish there were more rules about some things. I see both sides of the coin with controversial literature, but still, I just don't know what is right. I am sure none of this makes sense, but my head hurts now, so that's all there is about that.
-Tonight I went to dinner with the family I babysit for. They have really taken me in and usually include me in their family dinners once a week. Sammy's sister, Emily, is 13. Sometimes I really struggle with relating to her because we are just so different. She mocks me for listening to Christian music and tells me that I don't know anything simply because I don't know that Destiny's Child got back together or because I don't know Kelly Clarkson's newest song. She gets really sassy when I don't give her the answers to her homework. Plus, she talks back to her parents and to me and it really, REALLY bothers me. My parents are always telling me to try and remember the things she has to deal with (meaning Sammy and his autism). So, I try. Sometimes I do alright, but other times she just tests my patience. Back to tonight: we planned to go to Carlos O'Kellys to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. However, when we got there the place was crazy crowded. So, we left. Changing plans doesn't always go over too well with Sammy. He had his heart set on going there. Plus, he saw the WBNQ on-location van and was very excited to see them broadcasting. The whole way to the Schlotzsky's he cried in my backseat. It was quite pitiful. Anyway, when we went into Schlotzsky's, Sammy started yelling and somewhat made a scene. Sammy's dad was guiding him to a table, but he definitely didn't go quietly. Emily was with them for a bit but then came back over by me and her mom. She just looked at me and whispered, "This is sooo embarrassing." In that moment, I felt awful. You know, it is sometimes hard for me to take Sammy in public for fear of the reactions of others, but I don't do it everyday of my life. Emily has dealt with this for the last eleven years of her life and will continue to deal with it for the rest of her life. It has to be tough. Tonight I had a glimpse of her life as the sister of a boy who has autism. It was quite the humbling experience.
-The best band ever??? A few years ago, a good friend of mine introduced me to a band called U2. I liked to listen to them on occasion, but never really loved them. My friend sure did though. So, as time went by, I started to really like them as well. However, a time came that I didn't really listen to them too much anymore. Last week, though, I stumbled upon one of my roommates "Best of U2" CDs and I started to fall in love again. I am not sure that I would say this is the best band ever simply because I do not know all of their songs. But wow, I really do like their music. I find myself repeating these songs: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, Desire, Sweetest Thing, and Bad. I am sure there are lots more songs I need to find out about, but these are really fun. I am intrigued by a lot of their lyrics. I really wish I could ask my friend about them, but not today. Maybe someday.
(BTW...all suggestions for U2 songs are welcome)
-Conflict. Confrontation. I need to be better at this. I am not saying I want to become combative, but my roommate kindly reminds me that we were called to be peacemakers, not doormats. I hate confrontation. I would rather shoulder all the blame than risk confronting someone or telling someone how I truly feel or how they have hurt me. Yikes, I have a lot to work on.
-Moving out. The time has come. My parents are coming this weekend to take the furniture away to a storage unit for the summer. Looks like we will be "roughing" it this week...no beds, no couches, no kitchen table, no desk...it could get interesting!
-20 days. That's all. I have to admit that my summer schedule still hasn't sunk in yet, but it will soon. I am starting to get anxious. I am curious to see what I will learn while I am away. Selfishly, I NEED this trip. I need to get away for a while and be alone. I am sure that I could have done that without skipping the country, but oh well. I keep thinking of all the things I learned four years ago when I was in Africa for only two short weeks. I will be there for six weeks, plus the two weeks in Italy and Greece. I am ready. I want to listen. I want to learn. I want to be changed.
Told you. All over the place.
8 comments:
I enjoyed the trip :) You're a good writer Erin and you have a quiet insight about things that God is really going to use. [I told you more than once, my sweet girl, that your tender heart was a gift. The tears you cried for my niece alone could fill a nice little pond :)] It's nice to "watch" you grow. I wish it could be like it used to be sometimes but I trust God to know what He's doing. I'm praying for Africa faithfully...saw Rob the other night...praying for that too...
Erin,
I'm not sure if I'll get to see you before you leave on your summer excursion, but wanted to tell you that you'll be in my thoughts, and it's such an awesome opportunity for you. I know you'll have a blast, and we'll all love seeing pictures when you get home :)
U2 Greatest Hits- I have one of these albums. I think it's dark pink. It has sweetest thing on it, but I can't remember what else.
Confrontation- yes, I remember conversations we've had about this. "Hello! I'm a walking door mat!"
Summer travels- you are going to have a kick butt time! I'm praying that God will reveal new truths about Himself and new insights into yourself.
Hmmm... I am thinking a traveling CD is in order! I should start working on it... but I'll need to come up with a clever name like "My Japanese Adventure!" :)
Love ya!
I wonder what you concluded for your paper about children's lit.
"Heather Has Two Mommies" is not breaking the rules. It is a portrayal of loving families that exist out there. It provides children with lesbian parents a place in this world because it shows them that their lives are important and are seen too. As someone who grew up without ever seeing an accurate portrayal of myself in the media, in books, etc., I know how important it is to be represented. It's not always about right or wrong, and it's never someone else's place to judge another human being or the things that they do.
If "Heather Has Two Mommies" is not breaking the rules, what would it take to break the rule?? Is there even a rule to break??
Sure, it's not right to judge someone.
But, based on what people say and how they act, I'll come to a conclusion about that person. I won't apologize for coming to a conclusion about someone based on the way they portray themselves.
If given the chance, I'd like to read the paper too. It would be an interesting read.
Loretta-Thanks for your words, they really meant a lot to me. And please, kick those prayers up a notch for all of us this summer. I am SO excited about my brother going. He leaves in just a week!
Kristy-I doubt we will see each other, but thanks for the good wishes and I will see you at the end of the summer or at your wedding!
Kim-Yes, confrontation, I need help. "Hi my name is Erin. I am here to lay down, roll over, and be your door mat. Let me know if you need anything else." That just about sums it up.
Anonymous-I never said I was judging anyone with those lifestyles. However, I do not really agree with those lifestyles. That is just my opinion, but I never said anything about the people who lead those lifestyles. All of the things you mentioned in your anonymous comment are things I raised in my paper. Maybe if you could leave your name and an email address, I will send you a copy of my paper and you can read it for yourself.
Dane-If you seriously want to read it, you can, but I am warning you, it is nothing special. Compliments of a beloved prof. at LCC, I "waffled" through a lot of it.
Erin you sound like such a tender soul-so gentle spirited.
Regarding the books about the 2 Mommies, I think I hear what you are saying. The best words I ever heard on our (Christians) conflicting views with the world is this: "You can't expect a nonchristian to have the values of a christian." For me, this took a lot of the turmoil out of things.
finally read the post...now i want to read the paper. good luck in africa and italy and greece and maybe we will run into each other. blessings. jackaway.
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