Today I set out on an 8-week journey with ISU. I started tutoring for my literacy class. Our goal is to take a first grade student who may or may not struggle with reading and writing and help them grow in whatever skills they have or may not have.
I met Maddisyn today. She is six-and-a-half years old and loves to talk. She thinks that blue, pink and white are the most "beautifulest colors." She loves Heffalumps and Strawberry Shortcake. She is really cute and seems to be a pretty happy little girl. However, after today, I have come to a few conclusions.
What I know:
-I know I love children. I really do. I think they are so fun to be around and they teach me so much.
-I know I love school. My heart skips a beat when I go into elementary schools. I don't know if it is the paste smell or the smell of bland cafeteria food, but something inside of me is triggered and I can't get enough of it.
-I know I love teaching. I like seeing those lightbulbs come on in someone's head.
-I know I love school supplies and the fall...the combination of the two is even better! It is just so exciting!
What I don't know:
-I don't know if I am cut out to be a teacher.
-I don't know if I have the patience required to be a teacher.
-I don't know if I have the right personality to win the hearts of every student in a classroom.
-I don't know if I have enough creativity in these bones to come up with fresh, exciting ways to help a child learn.
I have been struggling lately in my classes. When I say struggling, I mean that I am stuck. I feel like I have been building on this foundation and working toward this goal, and now that I am so close I can taste it, I don't know if I even like the taste anymore. Now, I know that everyone has doubts and everyone questions their "calling" in life, but I have been back and forth with these thoughts for over a year now.
Student teaching applications are due in a week. I haven't started mine. That is SO not like me. I have to choose my cluster and decide where I want to be placed and I have no idea. None whatsoever. I would love to go to Kenya and work at West Nairobi School, but ISU won't let me. So, I guess I will just have to play the waiting game and hope and pray that everything falls into place in the next week.
More updates to come...
3 comments:
Erin
I just want to enourage you. I remember meeting my literacty student for the first time. I experienced many of the same feelings that you are experiencing. I also remember the last day of tutoring when my student came bouncing in the room with the biggest smile on his face. That smile still sticks with me. You will make such a difference in your student's life.
Also, I know that whatever cluster you decide to put down for student teaching that God will use you like crazy. Keep us posted.
Keep listening but don't get discouraged. If God is trying to pull your heart in a certain direction you'll know it. And your goal for the near future may not be your goal for a year or two from now. Take it a step at a time. You'll make a wonderful teacher. One I would request for my future grandchildren hands down. Love you. And I know Maddisyn will never be the same for the time you spend with her.
Thanks for the encouragement ladies. Today is session #2, so we will see how that goes. I guess my biggest goal is to have an impact on Maddisyn in some way, shape or form, even if it isn't with reading (although I don't know how my professor would feel about that). I will give you guys updates later today!
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