Grace Like Rain: August 2015

Our sweet little man is already ~~two months old~~ close to six months old, so I figured I had better jot down the high points of his birth.

THIS IS A LENGTHY POST...consider yourself warned. I had planned to split it into multiple, shorter posts, but there was never really a clean place to split the story. Well, in my detail-oriented mind at least.

Hmmmm....where to start.

From the very beginning of this pregnancy, I already had fears about the delivery because of my experience with Finley. Sparing the details at this time, my labor and delivery in 2012 basically had every intervention possible, including pitocin, a cervical balloon, an epidural, and a vacuum extractor. I vividly remember one of my nurses telling me that had I had any other doctor, I would have been sent for an emergency c-section long before my doctor even thought about it. However, we ended up with a vaginal birth in the end. And with all of those interventions and a 22.5 hour labor, I had some complications after delivery that lasted for a very long time.

That being said, I went into this pregnancy and this new doctor's office with confidence that we would not repeat what happened with Finley. My midwife, after hearing my much more detailed delivery and postpartum story, decided that we would do a growth scan on this baby at 37 or 38 weeks.

Fast forward to the end of February. At my 37 week appointment, we had a growth scan. My neighbor, who is a pediatric ICU nurse, came with me. She caught on to the numbers faster than I did, but the ultrasound tech was guessing that our sweet baby boy was already 9 pounds 8 ounces at 37 weeks. She looked at me with pity and said she would give this information to my midwife.

The midwife had the same expression on her face as the ultrasound tech. They labeled this as fetal macrosomia, or large birth weight. They immediately started asking me if I wanted to go ahead and schedule a c-section. We (Heath and I) both had agreed to see the doctor to explore our options. The midwife also mentioned that we could strip my membranes at 38 weeks, but that it wasn't a guarantee to kick-start labor. It also could result in the need for an intervention such as pitocin if it didn't work.

We had really tried to make this pregnancy different than Finley's, mostly in terms of education and such. We signed up for childbirth classes, which we never did with Finley. We hired a doula and were really looking forward to a more natural childbirth experience. When we met with our actual OBGYN just a few days later, she discussed the risks of a natural childbirth as well as a c-section. I cried during the entire appointment, and she thought I was crazy. They talked about the increased risks of shoulder dystocia if we had a natural vaginal delivery, but also the risks of a major surgery. She mentioned being induced at 39 weeks, but again, we wanted to avoid interventions, simply because one begets another. We left that appointment without any clear decisions, but were still leaning toward attempting a natural delivery.

I came home and started doing my research. Let me tell you, the Internet can be a very scary and dangerous place for someone like me who wants answers and wants to know that everything will be okay. I joined the ICAN group in my community (International Cesarean Awareness Network) and began dialoguing with other moms in the area. They shared with me how those growth scans can be so inaccurate, especially this late in the game, and shared personal stories of how their babies arrived weighing much less than what the scan said.

We went to our 38 week appointment and our midwife encouraged us by saying that there would be clear signs in labor that the baby wasn't going to be able to make it naturally or that my labor would stall out, and we would know that a c-section was the answer. She said she thought it was possible to do it naturally, so we continued with that plan.

At the 39 week appointment, they did the routine cervical check, and I was barely at 1 cm. We desperately wanted to have this baby naturally without forcing him to come when he wasn't ready. We declined the offer to induce, and continued to wait.

On Tuesday, March 10, I woke up around 8 am with contractions, something I never experienced with Finley. They were coming pretty quickly, every three minutes, but weren't so strong that I couldn't move or talk. We went about our normal activities, and already had my 40 week appointment scheduled for that afternoon. We drove to the hospital (our doctor's office is part of the hospital) and had our bags packed just in case they said it was baby time. One of our midwives met with us and did a cervical check, only to find that I was at 2 cm and not completely effaced. She said we could go home and try to come back in a few hours to see if they would admit me. But first, she wanted to do another growth scan. By this time, the office was basically empty, except for us. They were preparing for a staff meeting, but the ultrasound tech agreed to see us.

I knew immediately that something wasn't "good" in her eyes. She left the room and said she wanted to get the midwife. When she returned, she not only brought a midwife, but another doctor in our practice. He was the on-call doctor for the evening. After reviewing the scan, they were estimating that the baby was 10 pounds 8 ounces. The on-call doctor introduced himself and said he would be at the hospital that night if we ended up being admitted. He shared his concerns and said that he didn't really feel comfortable allowing me to labor and try to deliver naturally. He recommended the c-section and I immediately started crying. He began to discuss his concerns about the risks of shoulder dystocia for the baby. He asked me to fast forward five years, to our baby's 5th birthday party. He wanted me to picture my healthy baby running around with full use of his arms, and to ask if the c-section would really be that big of a deal in five years. He then painted another picture of my sweet baby boy at his 5th birthday party with a severe physical impairment, all because I desperately didn't want the c-section. He just wanted to put things in perspective for me, which led to more tears.

We probably sat in that room for 45 minutes, me crying and Heath trying to help me pull it together. We called our doula and talked with her. We still felt encouraged that we could try this the way we wanted. So, we left the hospital and returned home to continue laboring. (yes, that entire exchange took place while I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes). I cried the entire ride home, and then cried more once we got there. I was so so scared and also so upset about having to leave Finley again.

I decided to try and rest in bed for a while, knowing that the night ahead either held a surgery or a potentially long delivery. After an hour nap, we took a short walk in the neighborhood, hoping to help things along. Finally, around 8 pm, we decided to go back to the hospital. We went to the women's pavilion and we were admitted to triage. While there, she checked me, and I was still only at 4 cm. She wanted to get the on-call doctor to see what he thought.

Since it was the same doctor we had already seen, we knew where this was going. He came into our triage room and all but told us he refused to deliver this baby unless it was a c-section. Cue more tears. Our midwife, the one who just a couple of weeks ago had told us that we could go ahead and labor and see what happens, now said she advised against the natural delivery. We kind of felt like they were pushing us into a corner, and it stressed both of us a bit. They came in and said that another c-section had been delayed and that the OR was prepped and ready to go, and things started happening very quickly.

By now, it was probably 9:30 pm or after. (I had already packed my phone up in our bag and didn't see it until the next morning!) Heath had called our doula and she came right into triage with us. She was still optimistic that we could do this...that we could insist on calling a different doctor to come in and that we could try for our original birth plan. The biggest part I remember at this point was just an overall fear of not knowing what was going to happen. That was probably giving me the most anxiety overall.

Heath did such a great job of advocating for us both (me and Kenton), and finally made a statement to the doctors and the nurses that we didn't appreciate being rushed or bullied into this scenario. We wanted it to be our decision. And eventually, we agreed to be taken back to the OR for the c-section. When we finally consented, things happened very quickly. I was signing paperwork, getting an IV, talking about organ donation, cord blood questions, placenta donations...it was pretty overwhelming. They made me drink this terrible "shot" of an anti-reflux type deal. I can't for the life of me remember what it was, but it tasted awful, and also made me feel a bit sick. I hadn't eaten at this point or had anything to drink for a long time.

Phone calls were made and a few texts were sent, all by Heath, to our family. It was nearly 11 pm at this point. They brought in scrubs for Heath to wear, and they took me back to the OR.

*Side note...my childbirth class instructor had painted us a picture of what the c-section scenario might look like, and I was so glad she did. I don't like being caught off guard by things, and I didn't feel like there were any surprises waiting for me in the OR.

We said our goodbyes (for now) and I went back with my midwife. The delivery floor was very quiet. The room was freezing (just like I was told it would be), and my doctor was in there getting things ready while they administered my spinal block. The anesthetist must have had difficulties because she had to call in another doctor to get it to work. My midwife was so sweet and let me hug her while they were fiddling with those needles. My doctor asked me if he could play music for me while we were getting ready. He kindly set his Pandora station to Christian music, which I thought was so sweet. At some point during this prep, I warned them about Heath and his rapid ability to pass out in this type of environment :) They thought I was kidding, but I told them he would literally need to be backed into this room without seeing anything being cut open. They obliged :)

Soon, Heath was sitting above my head, and we were waiting for Kenton to be born. The whole prep scene probably took about 30 minutes, then Heath was there. One of the nurses offered to help us by being ready with the camera (YAY!). The doctor was really great about narrating the procedure for me, and for that I was extremely grateful.

There was some pulling and tugging, and before I knew it, Kenton was out :) They took him over to a side table and he started crying. And just like that, all of the fears, panic, and anxiety were a memory. He was here, he was safe, his collar bone/shoulder wasn't broken, and neither was I for that matter :) They wrapped him up and brought him over to us. They even let us have skin-to-skin time for the remainder of the surgery. It could not have gone better, honestly.

So, in spite of all of our attempts to have this delivery be different/better than Finley's, it turned out completely different in the end and not at all how we anticipated, but it was still just fine and is now Kenton's story. And because it's his story, I love it :)

Kenton Reichert Williams

March 10, 2015

11:36 pm

10 pounds 6 ounces

21.5 inches long